The following incidents are all true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Lynn, Emma and myself were all standing outside in the cold. Lynn had wanted a cigarette and Emma and I were going to head home.

“Am I the only girl who likes rough sex?”

“My God, no!” Em exclaimed and I just shook my head.

“Sometimes, I just wish Zane would actually take charge.” Lynn said, exhaling.

“What do you mean?” Em asked.

“I mean it seems like I am always the dominant one. I always start things. I always start the conversations, I always start the sex. For once, I’d like him to get a little rough, you know? I mean, Im not fragile. Just shove me up against a wall and kiss me like you mean it.  I want to be dominated. Do either of you have that problem?”

“I dont think rough sex is a problem” Em said a little wistfully

“No, I mean where he wont get rough with you.”

“Actually, I love the feeling of being sore for the days afterwards. Daniel likes seeing me walk funny, he goes ‘Hah, that’s my fault’. He also tries to bite my neck right before I walk into class to show ownership I guess. Like ‘You are my woman and I am your man’ or something” Em blushed a little at admitting it

“See? I want him to feel territorial about me, but he says he just feels bad when he gets a little rough. He likes being sweet all the time. Sometimes, I just dont want sweet. I want him to just fuck me!” Lynn stomped out her cigarette and lit a new one.

“What about you, Natty? Do you like it rough?”

I stood there craving Lynn’s cigarette, wanting to feel the harsh burn and thought.

We could be anywhere - a bed, a floor, his car. I’m never sure why it starts, how it starts. My clothes feel like they are strangling me, suffocating me. Sometimes they rip…meh, I didnt need them anyway.

Do I like it rough? The sharp edges? The bites and the bruises? How he gets me to moan or scream, to get noises to pour out of me and I just dont care who hears? How he intentionally tricks me? Tricks my body into overload - making me gasp, and shudder, and moan with his “combo shots”. How my nails end up tearing marks into him, leaving signs that “GREAT SEX HAPPENED HERE!”

Do I like not having any control? Having him lose control? Being a reason for him to lose control? The feeling that nothing else in this goddamn universe matters except for him being inside me?

How when everything is done and I am just a melted pool of quivering nerves - we can still say “I love you” and completely mean it?

Emma pokes me in the side.

“Natty, do you like rough sex?”

I shake my head and say goodnight

I don’t like rough sex, I love it.